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MEDITATION – Before and After

Peaceful low-key day ahead.  Wanting to walk in the air of the coming fall.  Wanting more of this appreciation of time I seem to be settling into as I accept the new reality of my life, which may be temporary.  Accepting the uncertainty?

I thought it would be cool to write bits of thinking before and after my morning meditations.  I did this quite a bit when I was still going through my first year of lessons in A Course in Miracles.  I hope I can find them.  My personal journal history.  I carefreely create and hold loosely too.

The above is the before for today. 

After…

Who am I to judge anyone’s path of healing?  The process they use or the time it takes?  Hasn’t it been 15 years this coming March, for me to go from crazy to calm?  Ah, calm… Create a Loving Mirror.  Recognition that this is my minds twist on BALM (sm) Be a Loving Mirror.  The coaching pamphlet I read shortly before bed last night.

Are we just flesh and blood computers?  The last chapter of Amy Poehler’s book Yes, Please was titled something like “When the robots take over.”  She was talking about her phone and how it wants her dead… or at least, not to finish her book or anything else she may yearn to accomplish because of all the distraction it provides.  Feeling grateful to have written a bit before jumping into my own technological fray of the day.  7:07 am  September 20, 16.

My New Language

NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION

With a name like this, you may believe this doesn’t pertain to you.  After all, you are not violent, right?  That is what I thought until I read that the seeds of violence are present any time anyone implies that someone or something makes them feel a certain way…

Nonviolent Communication is a form of interpersonal communication inspired by compassion and solidarity.  It helps to improve relations and to act with practical and effective means to promote peace.  It was founded by the psychologist Dr. Marshall Rosenberg in the 1960’s and is used by a worldwide network of mediators, facilitators and volunteers.

NVC offers practical and concrete skills for manifesting compassionate connections, interdependence and power with, not power over, others. These skills include:

. Differentiating observation from evaluation, being able to carefully observe what is happening free of evaluation, and to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us;

.  Differentiating feeling from thinking, being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does not imply judgment, criticism, or blame/punishment;

.  Connecting with the universal human needs/values (e.g. sustenance, trust, understanding, respect) in us that are being met or not met in relation to what is happening and how we are feeling; and

. Requesting what we would like in a clear and specific way (rather than saying what we don’t want), and that is truly a request and not a demand (i.e. attempting to motivate, however subtly, out of fear, guilt, shame, obligation, etc. rather than out of willingness and compassionate giving).

Nonviolent Communication or NVC is about developing skills to translate our habitual language of criticism, blame, and demand into a language of human feelings and needs.  Needs/values which sustain and enrich our wellbeing and focus our attention on what actions we could take to meet these needs.

One of my big "Aha!’s" from reading Marshall Rosenberg's groundbreaking book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life; was that people don't get defensive because they are ‘guilty.’ People get defensive when they perceive that they are being attacked.

My own defensiveness was triggered when my daughter turned thirteen.  Teens are known for surly looks and rude remarks.  It is challenging to speak to anyone displaying these behaviors and having it come out of the mouth of your formerly sweet child is even more rattling. My reaction to this behavior was to feel shocked and defensive.  I would think an unflattering thought or two about her “attitude” and resist whatever she said (resistance or a tightness in the body is the very definition of defense for me).  Often times I thought she was being ridiculous, selfish, or mean.  My mind labeled her into an “enemy image” which I wanted to both defend myself against and to change back into the loving child who was in the room with me just minutes before.  My busy brain could no longer see the person in front of me, just the image.   Thanks to Marshall Rosenberg and now the app Peace Process, I can guess at the feelings underneath the drama rather than joining in it.  

Information Clutter

I stopped watching the news when my boys were little.  It was depressing and not a full view of reality.  Bad news is designed to meet an agenda…. ratings and money.  As a parent, I knew my first job was to care for my own well-being.  How could I share positive energy with my kids if I was bathing in fearful images? 

What would happen if you stopped watching, reading or listening to the news?  How would you feel?  Do you need to be "informed” in that way?  What will be the result if you don't know what is happening beyond your sight every day?  Are you sure?  Do you need to be sure?  What are the consequences of watching negativity and violence?  Just for today, can you turn off the news, risk being "uninformed" and just experience your life?

Believe Me

 You can’t expect to get anywhere good with a belief that this reality is anything less than heavenly.  Truth be told, you are not actually judging reality with such beliefs because you only have access to your limited perceptions of it, and those are 100% within your mind.  The fact that other people agree with your perceptions does not make them any more true,  it makes them more widely perceived.  By labeling reality negatively, you are labeling a part of your own mind in the same way and that’s a TRAP. 

Subconsciously your mind will respond to a negative world view by crippling your self-esteem and strangling your ability to leverage your skills and talents. Some people who go this route even kill themselves. I came close to this. After a major life trauma and almost two years of crippling depression, I was compiling a list of all the things I couldn't do or didn't have.  I was using that list to justify why I did not deserve to live.  Luckily, I had the thought...."I never thought of it that way before.  Maybe it's the thought that is wrong, not me?" Questioning that one thought saved my life.  I asked for help and started crawling out of the hole that I had dug.  

Once you realize that your perceptions of reality are all you have to go with, the most sensible approach is to permanently rule out the idea of casting aspersions on your reality, since you’re the one who has to live in it.  So what’s the alternative? Do the absolute best you can to cultivate a harmonious and supportive relationship with your reality. Settle for nothing less. Consciously choose to see the good in everything and everyone.  If anything conflicts with your efforts, ignore it as best you can, and refocus your attention on re-establishing a harmonious and supportive relationship with reality. A practice for retraining your brain is available in Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins (see below).  I did it and you can too!  

If you want to upgrade your life experience, you must be the upgrader.  This is not magical thinking. It merely requires taking full responsibility for how you relate to this reality. Since that relationship exists entirely within your mind, it is under your control. 

No matter how much manure life's circumstance appear to have plopped into your existence, you can mix it up with who you are and create the fertile soil from which to grow a greater reality.  You can only get help when you take the lead.

Step One-Meet the gardener

Take the Ten Day Mental Challenge.  www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f34/the-ten-day-mental-challenge-rules-of-the-game-36198/

Step Two- Remove the rocks.  If you become stuck in a negative thought and can't get it out of your head then ask and answer these two questions.  Even better, have a friend ask you.  [this is simplified version of The Work of Bryron Katie]

1) What thought do I have to believe in order to feel bad about this situation?

2) Can I absolutely know that is true?

 The truth will set you free.  Somebody big said that.  Free from what?  Lies and misery, I think.  So if you are feeling shitty go ahead and ask.  What do you have to lose? 

I maintain the belief that reality is 100% on my side. This is not based on evidence. It is based on choice. The evidence comes after the choice, not the other way around.  I even believe that reality conspires to go out of its way to help me.  I see evidence of this constantly and this is what my experience of reality becomes. It is full of pleasant surprises.

Information Clutter

Information Clutter

     I stopped watching the news when my boys were little.  It was depressing and not a full view of reality.  Bad news is designed to meet an agenda…. ratings and money.  As a parent, I knew my first job was to care for my own well-being.  How could share positive energy with my kids if I was bathing in fearful images? 

     What would happen if you stopped watching, reading or listening to the news?  How would you feel?  Do you need to get information in that  way?  Will something bad happen if you don't know what is happening beyond your sight every day?  Are you sure?  Do you need to be sure?  What are the consequences of watching negativity and violence?  Just for today, can you turn off the news, risk being "uninformed" and just experience your life?

2012

I don't know if I've ever been more excited about a new year and what feels like a new life. My life circumstances are about the same as they were ten years ago but I live in a different world. First and foremost the landscape of my mind has completely turned around. I continue to persue my work as an organizer but I am most excited by the opportunity to share the nitty gritty details of transformation! In a networking conversation this week I recalled how I have gotten over myself in so many ways. From disordered eater (40+ years!) to mindfully/healthfully/sanely eating. From messy and clueless to professional organizer. From perfection- minded to progress-satisfied individual. From being full of fear to being full of love.

My goals for 2012 are to continue my education in human behavior, improve my memory and write my story.

There is a saying..."Life gives the best students the biggest tests." This can warm your heart or it can piss you off. This life isn't a test, it is a game.  Play it well.